thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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