Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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