I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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