too bad you live with your parents still
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
