his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
