My room smells like vodka and shame
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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