are you still at the devil's house?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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