then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
