Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
