do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
