cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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