Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
