Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My penis needs a shock collar
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
