oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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