Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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