Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
