The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
