She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
