biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
