well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
