all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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