Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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