White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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