Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
