yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
