I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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