you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
