Define "chronic" masturbator.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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