dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
