none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
