I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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