The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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