A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
