There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
