I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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