Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
