I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
