My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
