Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
