We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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