you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
