told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
