I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
