well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
