eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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