I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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