i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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