need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We named our party play list daddy issues
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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