I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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