Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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