I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
