u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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