he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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