Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
