My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
