Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
