Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
