No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
