I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
