How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
COCAINE IS GR8
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
