And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
