So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The best revenge is premature balding
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
