mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
