I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
