I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
