i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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