I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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