So drunk its hurt
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
