guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
