I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
