you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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