DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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