Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
