You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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