You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
