Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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