well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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