We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
