Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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