I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
