I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
