Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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